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Various factors played into this phenomenon which has yet to be identified in any other ethnic group.
One being the crack epidemic of the ’80s that shifted many households from dual to single, another being the mass incarceration epidemic that followed shortly thereafter.
I had dated men who thought marriage wasn’t necessarily a bad idea, men who thought marriage was a take it or leave it type of ordeal, and men who felt like marriage just wasn’t for them.
It’s no secret that over the years the collective opinion on marriage and it’s perceived value within the Black community has shifted tremendously.
I haven’t dated an American in more than six years.
And a huge piece of that includes evaluating whether or not we’re guilty of self-sabotage when it comes to our dating decisions. One day my therapist forced me to make a list of the things I wanted in a husband.It’s one thing to believe marriage is of no value whatsoever, it’s another thing for your opinion of marriage to shift based on who you’re dating at the time.Proving to be “wifey material” to a guy who doesn’t think much of the concept of a wife to begin with is as demeaning as it sounds and yet it’s a huge part of the dating experience for many Black American women.The first thing I indicated on my list was that I wanted to marry a man who wanted to be married.
That might seem redundant but actually desiring marriage isn’t something we discuss too often.As women, no one sits us down to have the conversation about why just desiring marriage isn’t enough.